When we end a relationship we go through different stages, some more noticeable or lasting than others. Everything will depend on how long we want to stay in them or what we do to overcome each of these phases of the break.
Overcoming a heartbreak is not an easy task. We can have good days and others not so much, think that we will never be happy again or do everything possible to get ahead. Even if a relationship ends, that does not mean that love dies. At that moment is when depression appears and we must draw energy from wherever it is to continue.
Leaving behind everything we have experienced is not easy. Accept that new situation either. Emotional pain can sometimes be more devastating than physical pain. And also, we must bear in mind that relapses or ups and downs are common. Ultimately, heartbreak is not a ‘linear’ process.
8 phases of the breakup
We are going to see what are the phases of the break that we must go through. This way we will know where we are and how far we have to go.
1. Loss, the first of the phases of the break
Whether you decide to break the relationship or not, the truth is that loss is the first thing you experience. Added to it, we can also find the surprise, which appears when we did not expect the bad news that ‘they have left us’.
In the first stage of the breakup we do not understand the situation very well. We have a hard time adapting to these sudden changes and we make the mistake of begging our (ex) partner not to leave us. But begging will not change someone’s mind, and if they do, it will only be out of pity or guilt.
The second of the phases of the rupture is characterized by a non-acceptance of reality. The person denies what happened and acts as if nothing has changed, that is, that they are still in a relationship.
For example, you can speak in the plural, make plans for the future with your boyfriend, not remove pictures from the room, and not tell anyone that you no longer live with your partner. This is the main mistake of the denial phase, since even when others know the news, the person involved does not accept it.
3. Hopelessness and isolation
We could say that this third stage is one of the most painful, because it begins when we become aware of reality. And not only that, but it is also characterized by not wanting to go anywhere, by shutting ourselves up and by not asking for help.
There is still more, because hopelessness comes under different ideas: “he will no longer want to be with me”, “no one will really love me”, “it will be impossible for him to find someone better”, “I will never fall in love”, they may be some of the most frequent.
4. Phases of the breakup: anger
In this phase we have quite negative and strong feelings towards the person who has abandoned us. We hate him with all our strength, we cannot hear about him and everything that reminds us of our ex generates an uncontrollable rage.
In addition, you feel great frustration for what happened, you blame the other for the breakup, you can even think of revenge. And worst of all, anger is directed towards those around us.
It is very important to be careful with the fifth phase of the breakup, as it can be quite dangerous. At this moment we try to get closer to our ex, we do whatever it takes to make him reconsider and we put aside our self-esteem or our pride to achieve it.
6. Anxiety and depression
We have said before that the phases of the breakout are not linear, but rather like a ‘seesaw’ or a roller coaster of emotions. Therefore, after having felt the greatest anger in the world, we can now feel anguished and anxious.
We say and believe with fervor that the person who left us was perfect, we remember the good things in the relationship and all the beauty that we have experienced with him. Anxiety is reflected in our behavior : perhaps we eat more than before, we bite our nails, it is difficult for us to sleep …
Or else the famous depression appears, that harmful emotion that can lead us to act in unexpected ways. This is when we lose hope of getting our ex back and realize there is no going back. Crying and anguish are strongest at this stage.
Research on this topic supports it: the fact that a stressful event occurs in our life, such as a breakup, may be related to the appearance of depressive symptoms. Specifically, a study published in 2019 in the journal PLOS ONE explains that, even having not previously suffered from depressive symptoms, the fact of going through a breakup may be related to the appearance of depressive symptoms.
In this study, we tried to determine how depressive symptoms correlated with having had a breakup or being involved in a romantic relationship. It was found that depressive symptoms could be found to a greater extent in those people who had recently experienced a relationship breakdown.
After having gone through sadness and depression, we realize that the time has come to face the situation. As it is popularly said: “to put your chest to the bullets” and to move on.
Very slowly, we accept that the relationship has ended and that although it hurts, it is essential to raise our heads and think ahead. At this stage we no longer seek to be with that person, we feel a little calmer and our mind is clear.
Take advantage of this mood clean and jerk to do what you like, for all that you could not do while you were a couple, looking for hobbies , meet new people, take classes … Improved physically, mentally, emotionally and the spiritual.
The last of the phases of the breakup begins when we are ready to rebuild our lives, either alone or with another person. It is time to analyze the mistakes of the past so as not to repeat them and to determine what we want from now on.
In any case, each break is world. Your breakup may not go through all of these phases. All are valid, the important thing is that you remember that it can be overcome and that you can also achieve it.